A Lot of Things Different
by Siobhan Masen
Summary: Edward has some time to reflect on what he would do differently in his life, when Bella leaves him. He needs to decide if he can change his life enough to get her back or let her go to find her happiness? Geekward Shuffle Challenge Submission!


**Geekward Shuffle Challenge**

**Pen Name:bnjwl**

**Link to FFnet Profile: .net/s/5619845/1/A_Lot_of_Things_Different**

**Song Title: A Lot of Things Different by Kenny Chesney**

**Story Title: A Lot of Things Different**

**Rating: M for language**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Twilight, or any other pop culture referenced in this story.**

**Summary: Bella gets fed up with Edward taking time for everything but her, so she leaves him. He has some time to reflect on what he would do differently in his life. He needs to decide if he can change his life enough to get her back or let her go to find her happiness somewhere else.**

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A large amount of thanks goes out to my lovely beta's Sonja and Lexy! You two are the best, so glad you're in my life! To my new friend-eternallyaddicted-what can I say? I could talk Twilight and Rob all day. Thanks for your help, thanks for your advice, and thanks for talking Twilight and Rob with me. I appreciate it and you.

Now on with it...

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**Edward's POV**

I ran out into the night and scanned the streets, hoping to catch a glimpse of which direction Bella went. To my left were three cabs stopped at the light, she could be in any of those, and to my right-nothing.

Maybe she took the train, the closest station was about six blocks away. It was warm enough tonight for her to walk, but would she walk by herself?

Who knows with Bella, she usually does exactly the last thing I think she'll do. Our life together has always been full of surprises.

I drop down heavily on the stairs and throw my head into my hands. I have always had the habit of running my hands through my hair when I was nervous, but tonight I found myself tugging on the ends as well. Apparently, my stress had reached all time high levels.

This time I have really fucked up_._

Bella is gone, and I don't know when she left or where she went. I know why, at least this time. Me. She left because of me. For years Bella has asked for me to try to give her more and I just couldn't do it. My anal-retentive ass insisted on giving one hundred and fifty percent in everything for work, but I could never quite give the same at home. Look where it got me. Sure, I had some awards on my shelf and we had plenty of money. But at the end of the day, what did either of those things get me? Nothing.

Looking back at my life, I knew for sure I had done so many things wrong. I was a good kid, never got in any trouble, and never stepped out of line. But still, I had so many regrets. I think looking back on my life, I would do a lot of things different. People say they wouldn't change a thing, even if they could. Oh, but I would.

Starting with the bully that picked on Bella and me in third grade, I certainly would have stood up to him. I know that Bella never looked down on me for not fighting, but deep down inside it killed me that I didn't have the guts to defend Bella. It never bothered me that they picked on me; I mean I was a classic geek. Weird hair, glasses, good grades, and to top it off, I played the piano. I expected it and often. But Bella deserved better. She always held my hand and walked home with me. We never talked about the teasing and name calling. Just once, I wish that I could do the manly thing for her. That's one thing I would do differently.

I remember when Bella came and begged me to run through the rain with her in seventh grade. I wouldn't even think about it, I just said no right away. I had just gotten my new computer with the newest and fastest processor available. I wanted to load all my games on it and see how much of a difference it made to play them with the new processor. Bella stayed with me, even though she hated the games. She looked so hurt at my refusal. She tried to put on a happy face and suggest another activity, but I could see it in her eyes. I was such an ass and took her for granted. I assumed that because Bella had always been with me that she always would be with me. I would have definitely run through the rain with Bella.

And that time that Bella scored tickets for her, Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, Jasper and me to see Nirvana. I said no because I wanted to stay home and study for SAT's. How was I going to get into the college of my choice with a shitty SAT score? Bella knew how important college was to me. I wanted nothing less than Dartmouth. That was where my dad attended and I wanted that same dream for me. Who knew that Kurt Cobain was so unstable and would end his life? I didn't. I thought we would have years and years of Nirvana tours to see later in life. I aced the SAT's, but it was at Bella's expense. I would give anything to go back and see that show with her, just to see her happy and singing at the top of her lungs.

I also know that I would have taken Bella up on that dare to go skinny dipping with her. Without a doubt, I would be in that water in less than three seconds, no matter how cold it was at that time of the year. Just to hold her body close to mine and let her know that I did it just because she wanted to.

I would have spent more time with her in college, doing all of the fun stuff that makes college a fond memory. I could have taken the time to support her sorority activities with her. I mean she did come to all of my debates for me, piano recitals, science fairs, and chess matches with me. She stood in line with me to be the first to buy tickets for the new Star Wars movies; she braved Comic Con just so I could meet Joss Whedon. She spent hours upon hours listening to my geeky friends discuss the new software for computers and how we would improve it. One Christmas, she spent hours searching for an old school computer game I used to love as a kid. I can't even count the hours she spent in the library with me while I did research for my papers. I was focused and wanted to get not just good grades, but perfect grades. Bella always understood and did what she had to do without me. And she always found time to do what I needed to do or support me on the stupid things I wanted to do. I would have found a way to change those events by doing those things with her.

I remembered that trip to New York that she took with me. I, of course, was gone the whole week to the Electronics Expo show. Eric Yorkie and I were trying to get our new computer processor some exposure. It took us years and years to perfect it, and it was superior to the current models on the market. We wanted to get it into the hands of the big-named computer manufacturers so they would include it in the next upgrade. It would mean a big payoff for us as well as recognition in our field. Bella was so excited for us. She never even complained when I couldn't do any sightseeing with her. She spent six days by herself in New York. She saw all of the usual tourist sites and even went to see Phantom of the Opera on Broadway - without me. She wanted to go so bad that she went without me.

While in New York, Bella found this dress she wanted. I should have bought it for her. I had the money but just didn't take the time. She did mention that red vintage Chanel dress more than once. She even mentioned it to Alice and Rosalie both, several times. I should have tried to buy it for her. Eric and I had already signed contracts with three different companies that wanted our processors, so I was rolling in the money. I could have dropped enough to buy Bella the dress, if nothing else then for being supportive of me. But I didn't take the time to find the damn store and buy it for her. It seemed so insignificant at the time, but now, maybe, it was a big deal.

I think the thing that makes it worse is that she never nagged, whined or bitched about it at all; she never once yelled, screamed, threatened me in order to get her way. All of her pleas were subtle and gently delivered. I was grateful at the time, but now I see how terribly I treated her. Bella always put me before any of her needs.

She begged me tonight to dance with her; just one dance she said. I wouldn't take the time to do it. There were too many people I felt I had to meet and I didn't spare some time for her. After all ,I was going home with her tonight and not with them. I had to make the time for them while I could. Little did I know that I wasn't going home with her either. I tried to remember the last time that I danced with Bella. I think it was at Carlisle and Esme's anniversary party. That was three years ago. She was always shy and too scared to dance with anyone but me. She was sure that she was a terrible dancer, so she never did it. I, on the other hand, loved the way she danced with me. She always pressed herself right up against me so she could follow my lead. I loved the contact of her body with mine. If I had known that was going to be our last dance, I would go back in time and pay that band to play on and on without stopping.

Not all of my regrets are about Bella. I do wish that I had known that my parents were going to die so young. I would have spent more time with them. I would have taken the time to make sure they knew that I loved them and appreciated all of the sacrifices that they made for me. I love Carlisle and Esme, but they can't replace my parents. I have done so many things, but they weren't here to see me do any of them. Somehow, all of those accomplishments that I worked so hard to get seem so meaningless without them.

My adopted brother, Jasper, went off to serve in Iraq. He felt so ready to serve his country. He felt like it was an honor to defend it for all of us back home. I let him leave with just a hand shake. I should have hugged him and told him how much he meant to me, how much I loved him. He and my other "brother", Emmett taught me so many things and gave me brotherly affection I never had before as an only child. Now, seeing him and the way that the war has robbed his mind kills me. He still has all of his limbs, and he looks normal. But he is anything but normal, his mind is forever altered. He and his wife Alice struggle to maintain a normal life, and I don't think I will ever get the chance to say "I love you" to him. It just won't mean the same thing to him now.

I felt the chill of the stone steps seeping into my body, so I rose and walked to the parking garage to get my car. I checked my phone; there were no missed calls, no new incoming calls, no texts, in fact no activity at all. Bella didn't contact me at all.

On my drive home, I called Alice. Bella would call her first.

"Alice, have you heard from Bella tonight?" I tried to keep my voice casual, just in case.

"Yeah, she called me about an hour ago. What the hell did you do, Edward?" Alice was furious with me; she has loved Bella as long as I have. This would affect my whole family if we didn't stay together; so much so that I knew there were several family members that would see her more often than they would see me.

"Just the usual stupid shit, Alice. I took her for granted for so many years and I guess she finally got tired of it. She left the dinner tonight and I have no idea where she went. Did she tell you anything?" I glanced at my hair in the rear view mirror, knowing the hours of worrying and running my hands through it had caused it to stand on end.

"Edward, I promised that I wouldn't tell you anything. If you want to find her, you will have to do it on your own. She is hoping you know her well enough to find her without any of us helping you. Please Edward, know her. I can't take it if this is over between you. I love you and her both, and I can't choose between the two of you." Alice was crying, and in that moment, I realized that Bella had confided in Alice about this before.

"Alice, how long have I been blind to how she feels?" Agony dripped off of each word I spoke, I was so stupid and oblivious.

"For too long Edward, too long," she sighed.

"If I could change it all, I would, I realize that now. Is it too late? Am I too late?"

"I honestly don't know, Edward. You'll have to ask Bella that not me. I love you and good luck." She sounded defeated and tired.

"I love you, Alice. Thanks for being there for Bella. And make sure that Jasper knows I love him also. I never told him and I wish I had now. You know?" Regret tinged my voice, making it deep and sad sounding.

I sat in our driveway, searching my brain for where Bella would be. I ran through about a hundred places but dismissed them one by one. Finally, settling on the one place that I knew held fond memories for Bella and me. Southbrook Bed and Breakfast, on the shore.

I took Bella there to ask her to marry me after we finished college. Bella was so proud of me for arranging all of the details and remembering so many special touches. Little did she know that I didn't even handle any of those details, Alice was responsible for everything. I knew exactly who could make magic happen, my very own fairy god mother, Alice. I went to her and told her I wanted to propose. She told me about Southbrook, and why it was special to Bella. Then, when I screwed everything up, she took over and made all of the arrangements for me. She bought Bella several special mementos and put them in my suitcase, along the clothes she packed for me. I didn't even pick out her engagement ring; Rosalie and Alice advised me for that one as well.

Seems like that was the year I was working on the grant for improving the energy efficiency of laptop batteries to make the world a better place. I put everything before Bella, even the world.

I dashed into the house and threw on some jeans and a t-shirt and threw a few things into a bag to take with me. I would stay for as long as Bella wanted to stay. This would be a little time away for us to reconnect, actually for me to reconnect with her. If she would take me back. I prayed the entire way to Southbrook, prayed that Bella would be there and prayed that she wasn't too angry at me to not give me a second chance.

When I pulled up to Southbrook, there were few cars in the parking area, but it was off season so I wasn't worried. What did worry me was that Bella's car wasn't one of the cars that I saw. Maybe I had this wrong; maybe I was stupider than I thought. She could be anywhere, and it bothered me that after over twenty years of close contact with Bella I realized that I didn't really know her at all.

It was after one in the morning and I realized that I needed to at least go in and check to see if she was here. I stepped out of the Volvo and was trying to decide what to do if she was not here. At first, I didn't notice the lone shadow sitting down by the water's edge. She shifted slightly and then I saw her hair in the moonlight. The small amount of red shining under the bright glow, and I knew it was Bella.

I walked down to the water's edge slowly, trying to decide what to say to her so she will understand how sorry I am for putting her through all of these years of hurt. I was still unsure when I reached her bench so I simply sat down beside her and drew in a deep breath.

"How did you know where I was? Did Alice or Rosalie tell you?" She spat at me.

"No," I chuckled. "I called Alice but she refused to sing. She said I needed to find you myself. I realized after talking to her that things have been bad for so long and you didn't complain at all. I know that I'm sorry doesn't even come close to covering all that I have done to you but I really do feel sorry about how I have treated you. I spent several hours looking back at our life and I realized that I put everything before you. I foolishly thought that you would always be here with me and I would have all the time in the world to show you how much I love you. I never realized that by putting off all of the things I should have been doing with you and for you, I was pushing you away. I don't know what to say, I don't think anything I say will be a good enough excuse for what I did. I know that this doesn't explain or excuse anything but I did all of the studying, working, and everything else for you. To provide for you and make you comfortable, I know you never wanted a life full of money and things, but I wanted to give you everything, to make you happy. Please Bella, let me find a way to make it up to you. I love you and I need you in my life. I promise that I will never put you second again, and I will certainly never take you for granted anymore."

"Edward, all I ever wanted was a little house, a couple of kids and you. That's all. I would have been overjoyed at my life with those things alone." She didn't meet my eyes; she stared at the water and watched the occasional bird fly by.

"I know. I regret that the most. I love my nieces and nephews so much. I wish that we had kids. But I don't blame you for not wanting them. I wouldn't want them either if my husband didn't have time for me in his life. You would have been raising them alone." I sighed and glanced out of the corner of my eye to gauge Bella's reaction to my statement. Tears slowly slid down her face. I turned to her and pulled her hand into mine. "Please tell me that I'm not too late, that I still have a chance with you," I begged.

"I don't know Edward, those are great words, but after years and years of words, I need more. I need action. I think we still have so far to go before we are okay. I don't want to give up on you; I still love you with everything I have." She didn't get to finish her words; I yanked her into my lap and kissed her. I was pouring all of my love, devotion and regret into that action. I pulled away without trying to deepen the kiss, I wanted her to know this wasn't lust; it was love for her that made me pull her in to me.

Bella sat in my lap, while I stroked her hair, and touched her in as many non-sexual places as I could. I couldn't get enough of her skin against mine. She felt brand new to me; I felt the butterflies in the pit of my stomach again. Just like when she first agreed to go out with me. I was giddy with excitement. We weren't fine yet, but she didn't say no either, so I guess I'm still in the game.

I felt Bella shiver several times. I wasn't sure if it was because of me or the chill in the air, but I couldn't take a chance. I stood and placed her feet on the ground and took her hand. "Do you have a room?" I asked her quietly. She nodded at me. "Let's get you inside before you get sick." I walked up towards the main house with Bella lagging behind. I could see the emotions of the day had drained her strength. I heard my phone beep; it was picking up service again. It had lost and gained service several times on the way to Southbrook. This normally would have been a cause for panic for me, but now I could only be thankful for the fact that it wouldn't interrupt my time with Bella.

Bella sagged against me in the elevator up to the second floor; the emotions must have been catching up to her. I wrapped both of my arms around her and supported her weight, allowing her to rest. For once, I was providing for her, something that she really wanted or needed.

Bella had changed into her pretty blue sundress at some point before I got here, and she had a shawl wrapped around her shoulders. She slipped off her sandals and laid down on the bed fully dressed. I lifted her feet and slipped the covers over her body. Her face showed no emotions, she looked really tired. I sat in the chair opposite of the bed and just watched her. It scared me that she was emotionless. Maybe I wasn't as well off as I thought I was. I always heard that when 'she stops crying, she starts getting over you'. Was Bella's stoic emotions a sign of her moving on? I prayed again for a chance to make this right.

When she slipped into a deep rhythmic breathing I assumed that she was asleep and went back to the Volvo to get my bag. I slipped my shoes off by the bathroom door, emptied my pockets, took off my glasses, and turned my cell phone off. I laid all of my things on top of the dresser and got comfortable in the chair. I watched Bella sleep for several hours, trying to think of ways I could make this up to her. I felt my eyes grow heavy, so I grabbed an extra blanket and turned to rest my head on the arm of the chair, and drifted off to sleep.

**Bella's POV-**

I awoke a little before five a.m. with a pounding headache. I was a little disoriented in this room, and it took me a few minutes to remember where I was and why.

Edward had pulled the suitcase rack over to prop his feet up and his head was tilted at an odd angle to rest against the arm of the chair. His neck and shoulder were certainly going to be sore. Damn it, Bella! Even after everything that happened last night, I was still thinking about his comfort and putting him first. Emmett would tell me that I needed to grow a pair and kick Edward's ass right now. I chuckled to myself when I pictured Edward and me fighting, actually fist fighting. I threw my hand up to cover the sound that my chuckle made. Edward's eyebrows drew in and he had the most adorable frown on his face. I wanted to walk over and run my hands across his forehead and soothe the worry away. His eyes were so full of concern and pain when he sat down beside me on the bench tonight. I'm glad that he seemed to understand my point this time. I wasn't bluffing. If he didn't know me well enough to find me by the time I woke up this morning, I was really leaving him. After over twenty years together, he should know that this was a very special place for me.

This was the last place that we had come on vacation as a family before Renee decided that she wanted a divorce. A few months after we got back she and I moved out of Charlie's house. It was the last time I remember us three being together happy, before it all ended. Then it became even more special when Edward asked me to marry him here. My heart felt at peace here and I'm glad Edward knew to find me here.

I was confident that we were going to be fine, but he was definitely going to work to earn my trust and faith again. I knew now that I had also been at fault for all of the years of pain. I allowed Edward to hurt me without putting a stop to it. I was as much to blame as Edward. I could have said something, or done something like this years ago. It would have been so easy to stop this pattern when it was first developing, but I assumed that one day Edward would realize what he was doing on his own. Well, he realized alright, but he did need a little help in seeing it. It was never a matter of him loving me, it was him making me his first priority. I knew the devotion he had for his work, and I knew that he could show that type of devotion to me as well, with a little nudge in the right direction.

I walked into the bathroom to brush my hair and pull it into a ponytail to make sleeping easier. I tripped over Edward's shoes as I stepped through the door, and smiled. He always left his shoes right outside the doorway, I don't know why. He knew I was clumsy and usually tripped over them. I was suddenly curious, so I walked around the room to see what else Edward brought with him. I only found a small bag with two outfits in it, his toothbrush, his car keys, some change, his glasses, and his cell phone. I picked it up to see how many texts, emails and calls he had missed. Normally, that thing went off 24/7, but surprisingly, I hadn't heard it beep at all tonight. I realized that Edward had turned it off. Searching through his bag again, I looked for the charger; it was nowhere to be found. Four things I knew that Edward never traveled without, his cell phone charger, his laptop and extra battery, an extra pair of his glasses, and his back-up day planner. I didn't see any of those items. I can't remember the last time he was without any of those items within arm's reach. Maybe, he was really ready to be my husband. Not a part time roommate, but for us to be a real honest husband and wife. My heart soared at the thought.

I walked back over to the bed and sat down on the edge facing Edward. I shook his foot to wake him. He sat up quickly and threw the blanket off of his chest. "Bella, is everything okay? What's wrong?" he asked as he rubbed his eyes.

"I'm fine. You were just sleeping in an awkward position and I was worried that your neck and shoulders would be sore later. Why don't you come and lay down on the bed with me? " I offered tentatively to him.

"Are you sure that you're okay with me sleeping on the bed?" he asked as he shrugged his hand through his hair.

I held out my hand and pulled him up from the chair. He stood up and allowed me to lead him over to the bed. I lay down and slid to the middle, pulling him down behind me. He lay down and allowed some distance between our bodies. I immediately slid back against his body and pulled his hand over my hip, just like he usually slept. We both laid there in silence for several minutes. Both of us hesitant to start the talk that we both knew we needed to have.

"Edward, we need to talk, but just not right now okay?" I turned my head to face him and he nodded his agreement with me. I looked his face over and saw the age around his eyes. Not that Edward was old, he was only thirty-two. Tonight, however, he looked older. Our disagreement was weighing heavy on him. I'm sure he felt like he had failed me, Edward always over analyzed everything. That's what made him so good at his job, but not so good at the relationships in his life.

I felt him lean down and place a hesitant kiss against my temple and wrap his arms around me, enclosing me in his protective shell. I allowed the tears to fall. I cried tears of joy for the possibility of us being okay, tears of pain for all the times he had let me down, and tears of fear that he would slip back into his old habits and we would be right back where we started from.

"Sshh, baby, please don't cry. I promise we will be good again. I will do whatever I have to, to make sure of it."

"I know, Edward. This is a cleansing cry. I'm letting it all go and making way for our new start. I promise."

"I have always loved you, you know that right?"

"Yes, Edward, I have always been sure of our love for each other. Otherwise, I would have been gone a long time ago."

"Good," he sighed.

"Let's sleep some and then we can talk."

He didn't answer, just pulled me closer to his body and pulled the rubber band out of my hair. He hated when I pulled it up when we went to bed. He liked to bury his nose in it.

**Edward's POV-**

I woke up with Bella still in my arms. I instinctively tightened them around her; I was so close to losing her. I said a small prayer of thanks that she was still here with me. She shifted and sighed, nuzzling further into my embrace.

We left the room a little after eleven and went to get some lunch. We had talked in short conversations to each other as we got ready, never getting close to the real subject we needed to discuss. Lunch was the same way. I held her hand, refusing to let it go, even when we needed to eat. She found a way to eat her sandwich with only one hand. I think she understood that this was my life line and I couldn't let it go for any reason. I was too afraid that she would be gone if I let her go. She smiled often at me and tried to reassure me with her eyes that we were going to be okay, but I was still scared shitless.

"Edward, do you want to take a drive, you know, while we talk?" Bella suggested.

"No, I want to be close to you and I can't be if we are separated in the car." I couldn't take the two or three feet of space that would be between us, I just couldn't.

Bella took in a deep breath and blew it out loudly. "I know that this distance between us wasn't intentional. I know everything that you have done was for us, and I have always loved you. But you don't pay me a second thought. You call me for what you need me to do for you, but otherwise, you live your life like you don't need me. You don't talk to me, you don't ask me things, and you don't acknowledge me most days. I need more and I need you. If you aren't ready to completely give 100% to me then you need to walk away now." The force of her words hurt like hell, she was right on all accounts. I had done all of those things. She tilted my chin so that I could meet her eyes as she continued. "Edward, I have already seen changes in you. I still want this, and I think that you still want this. Do you still want this?" She leaned closer to me as she spoke and I wanted to make her understand that this was all that was important to me.

"Bella, this is the most important thing in the world to me. You are the most important thing in the world to me. I promise I will never go back to the way I was before. I will never put you through anything like this again. I love you." The fear was right below the surface for me, and I'm sure she could see it on my face as well.

She examined my face for a few seconds and then launched herself into my arms.

"Oh, Edward. I love you so much. I knew you still wanted this. I owe you an apology as well. I should have put a stop to this years ago. I saw signs all the way back in college and I sat back and waited for you to change. I assumed that you knew what you were doing was hurtful to me and would stop. I thought that if you realized it on your own and corrected it then it would mean more, somehow show me that you loved me more. I was wrong to not discuss the severity of my feelings. I'm sorry for that and I promise to never hold things in anymore. I will discuss things with you from now on instead of assuming that you know." I pulled her away so that I could look into her face.

"I love you more than life itself."

We talked for hours about of all the reasons that we fell in love. She went out of her way to make sure that we didn't focus on the bad things, or linger on the things that I had foolishly done to her. I felt like I was sixteen years old again. I noticed all of the beauty that was Bella, again.

After dinner, we were lounging in chairs out on the balcony outside our room. The sun had long since set, but we stayed wrapped up in each other's arms and talked some more. Bella leaned away from me slightly and asked, "Edward where do you see us in five years?"

I was totally unprepared to answer this; I had focused for so long on right now that I didn't have a plan past now.

"Well, that's a good question." I rubbed the back of my neck, stalling for more time to answer and hoping that an answer would fall out of the sky for me. I decided to try honesty, and shrugged my shoulders to show her I had no idea.

"Would you like me to tell you where I see us in five years?" She asked sweetly.

"Sure, tell me where you see us."

"We are at Carlisle and Esme's for a gathering. Alice and Jasper are there as well as Em and Rose. We have all brought our children. Several are old enough to run and play in the grass. Esme sits on a blanket and holds one that is newborn. We are there without any major cares and we are all having fun. Does that sound like where you think we will be?"

"Bella, I'd be lying if I said that previous to today I hadn't thought much about the future. But now that we are here, I like your version of the future. I think that Carlisle and Esme would like a bunch of grandkids. I know that I have always wanted kids, but I allowed my job to get in the way of our life. When would you like to start trying for kids?" I knew without a shadow of a doubt that whenever she said she was ready, that I would be ready as well. I wanted kids with Bella. I wanted them to have her eyes and her hair, the two physical things I loved the most about her.

She sat up and swung her feet over to my side of the lounge chair. I sat up so that we were face to face, merely inches from each other. Nothing about this day was sexual in any way; our touches were for the purpose of reacquainting ourselves. But sitting this close to her, I could see the desire burning in her eyes. I reached out and pulled her closer to me and kissed her lips. Soft, sweet, tender kisses; kisses that I would give to my children when they arrived. I wanted kids with Bella right now. Bella pulled away from me abruptly, her face carried a startled look.

"Edward, what would you say if I told you that we were going to have a baby?" Her face still a mixture of fear and trepidation.

"Bella, are you sure? I, uh, right now? Like you're pregnant right now?" I stammered out.

She just nodded at me. I jerked her up and swung her around in circles, kissing her face all over.

"Bella, really? Right now, you're pregnant? This is so wonderful, oh wait. Are you okay? Is this hurting you?" I was suddenly unsure of how to treat her.

"Yes, silly, it's fine. I'm only twelve weeks. They're so small that they can't be hurt in there. The doctor says that…"

I interrupted her, "Bella, did you say they, there's more than one?"

"Twins, we're having twins." Her smile spread impossibly wider on her face, and mine mirrored it.

"You're gonna be a Mommy. Oh God, I love you." I felt the tears slip down my face as Bella took her thumb to wipe them off.

"Baby, please don't cry. We will be just fine. I promise two isn't that much harder than one. I will manage." Bella assured me, misinterpreting the reason behind my tears.

"Bella, we are more than fine. We are perfect. I love you so much and I love our babies." I slid my hand down to her stomach and dropped to my knees in front of her. I kissed her gently where she carried my babies. Bella's tears of joy matched my own.

"Come on my love; let's get you in bed and resting. I can't have you tiring out while you are carrying my babies. Besides we need to get home and assure everyone that we are fine and tell them our good news. Carlisle and Esme will be overjoyed."

I led Bella towards the bed, so worried that she was now upset by our previous conversation. I needed to find a way to lighten the mood and make her smile again. A though forming in my head as I asked her, "Hey Bella, when can we find out what we're having?" I asked hesitantly.

"I think somewhere around five months, so a few more months. Does it matter to you what we have?"

"Well, yeah. I would love to have one of each." I smirked at her, waiting for her to take the bait.

"Oh, Edward that is so sweet. I would love to have one of each as well." She seemed sheepish admitting this fact to me.

"I can already picture their beautiful little faces and imagine myself in the park playing with them." I admitted. Her eyes grew wide with amazement.

"Really? " She asked.

"The image is so vivid that I feel as if I already lived it. I can see their faces and hear myself calling out their names." Her eyes widened and she leaned in to me, as if to glean every little answer that I could give. Yes, she fell for it. I mentally gave a fist pump in the air.

"Well, care to share?" she asked. I allowed a fake pout to take over my face.

"Bella, I would have thought that you would know what names I would want." I feigned shock and pain.

"How would I know what names you would like? We haven't even talked about having a baby, much less baby names before." She appeared astonished that I would have the answers to this particular topic.

"Bella, have you lost your mind? There are only two names that I would consider for our children…Luke and Leia, of course!" I giggled like a school girl; Bella simply rolled her eyes at me.

"Not a snowball's chance in hell that those names will ever grace our children's birth certificates, Edward Anthony Cullen, so don't even start with me!" I guess the hormones have already taken over, she couldn't even appreciate my joke.

"Don't worry, baby. I was just kidding, our kids will have perfectly normal names. I promise." I pulled her body closer to me and kissed her temple.

~~**~~

I lay in bed holding Bella in my arms, thanking my lucky stars that she gave me another chance. I was still in shock over Bella's pregnancy, but very happy about it. I would never forget all of the things that I did wrong during our first eight years of marriage. No, I wanted to remember all of the terrible things I did, so that I would never repeat them again.

This was my chance to do a lot of things different.

* * *

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